Colors Fade to Gray
by Ridley Silverlake
Summary: Losing someone may make you feel like it's the end, but for Natsume it's a complete different feeling. After having his friend take Mikan away from him, Natsume goes on keeping his promise and makes himself think that maybe it's all better off this way.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of its characters. [:

* * *

**Colors Fade to Gray**

Maybe protecting her wasn't what I was meant to do. Maybe it was, but it probably wasn't the one thing fate had planned for me.

That's right, Mikan Sakura, the light that had been keeping me from the darkness all this time, had just left. Maybe if I'd kept my promises, I'd still have her. Maybe if I kept her from the dear friend of mine, she'd still be here with me under this tree.

It's still pretty hard to believe up to now that I couldn't get her to stay. But another captured her heart; I can't blame her for that.

I glance to my left, by the lake; I see her beautiful brown hair dancing with the wind, her hazel eyes shining with the sun, and her warm delicate hands trapped in another's.

I could burn this place down right now; but I can't. I would, but I can't possibly do so. I'd promised her that I'd control this curse of mine. I would never commit the same mistake as to break a promise again.

So I just watch them smile and laugh together; I've no idea whether to be angry and sad, or happy for her—angry and sad simply because I couldn't have her, moreover hold her one last time; but also happy to see her smile like that after so long. That smile, I haven't seen it ever since our first year together. She smiled so much with me, but never like that. It makes me feel as though I made her suffer.

I don't understand! I've risked my life for her, I've ran to the most dangerous ends of the earth just to keep her safe, I gave her all I had, and I loved her more than anyone else could, now what do I get in return? A broken heart, that's what. The cold, antagonistic Kuro Neko… heart broken. How pathetic.

No doubt, she changed me. She lightened me up a bit… a lot. She got me to smile more in a month than I ever have for my whole stay in this academy, she was able to get me to utter the three meaningful words I don't ever remember saying my whole life, she got me to have this uncanny feeling inside that doesn't make me feel sick, not one bit.

Meeting Mikan is probably the best thing that's happened to me, and being with her would have been great, but it's weird how awful things like having her taken away from me could happen as fast as a blink of an eye.

Now I don't plan to write sad poems, listen to depressing music, or even cry over her. That's not how I am. I'm going to let this go… I'm going to _try_ to let this go. It'll pass somehow, maybe not soon, but I'm pretty sure it will.

We weren't even together and no one could stop telling us how much she completed me, how getting together with her would be best for me. You know what? I thought so too, but I don't think it was meant to be.

_It wasn't meant to be_ is what a divorced parent would tell their innocent child, it's what naïve girl would say after a failed relationship built with mere puppy love at the age of nine; it's probably the world's lamest excuse after failed relationships, although you can't exactly call my situation a failed relationship, more like a failed attempted one; which probably makes it sound even worse.

I don't even understand why I'm so affected, why I allow myself to feel this way toward something this unacceptable.

Well now there's only one thing left to do. I walk quietly to her room while she's out. I still have her key, so I enter without a problem. As I reach into my pocket, billions of things rush through my head; memories with her, the times she'd made me smile.

* * *

_Flashback_

_It was our first school festival as junior high students, and the Last Dance was held later than usual._

_I was halfway through finishing my dinner and Ruka couldn't stop bugging me about asking Mikan to dance. I couldn't stand it, so I gave up and decided to just ask her, I was pretty sure she'd say no anyway._

_Just as I was about to get up and walk to her table, I felt a tap on my shoulder, 'May I have this dance?' It was a girl's voice, a very familiar voice. I looked behind me and saw her hand asking for mine, 'Don't you think it's a little weird for the girl to be asking the guy to dance?'_

'_I dance with who I want to dance with, there are no rules for these things, Natsume.' She said with her cheerful voice. We argued about it for a minute or two, but then I caved, so I ended up dancing with her._

_The song 'Wonderful Tonight' was nearing its end. The music stopped and we realized we'd only danced for half a minute, I could sense the disappointment in her voice as she said, 'Oh, it's finished… Thank you so much for dancing with me Natsume, I'm gonna go finish my dinner.'_

_She walked away with her beautiful pink dress, her two-inch high heels, and her beautifully curled hair still tied up in pigtails. The next song just started playing and even I knew that our dance wasn't long enough to satisfy any of us, so I ran after her—it was my turn to ask her to dance. Her hand swayed with her as she walked swiftly to her table, I almost caught it, but I missed. Another try, I'm pretty sure I was about to get a hold of her if it weren't for the two girls who annoyingly blocked my way._

_I was about to go around them and go on trying to chase Mikan, but they wouldn't get out of my way, so I looked up and saw two faces, Sumire and Usami. _Great _I thought to myself, the last thing I wanted right then was for fan girls to ask me to dance._

'_Natsume! Shall we dance?' Her perky voice sent gunshots through my ears. I glanced at Mikan before making my decision, then back at the green-haired girl. I took one last look at Mikan and noticed that just as she reached her destination, a familiar face held his hand out and mouthed a _May I have this dance?

_I admit now that I had a strong rush of jealousy run through my veins right at that moment, so I took Sumire's hand and pulled her to the center of the dance floor, close to Ruka and his partner, just close enough to keep an eye on them, but far enough so they don't feel my stares._

_I tried to listen to everything Sumire was blabbering about, but I couldn't help but feel envious just by watching them dance together, they were laughing, he talked, she blushed, she giggled, her arms around his neck, it made my blood boil. But hey, at least he was nice enough to let me go first._

_The song ended quickly, thank goodness. I parted from my dance partner without saying a word, then I hears her squeal 'Oh, my gosh! I had my Last Dance with Natsume Hyuuga!' followed by a million other fan girl screams._

_I saw her and Ruka walk toward their tables. I lost my chance, and I still can't believe I danced the Last Dance with a fan girl._

_I quickly walked to her and grabbed her by the wrist, ignoring her whining I pulled her to our tree. She sat down quietly as I climbed up the tree and sat on its branch. Annoyed by the awkward silence, she looked up 'The stars look beautiful tonight, don't you think?'_

_The way she talked, the way her voice sounded, it was different from when I first met her, it was different but it was coming from the same girl, it was weird._

'_It's sad how all the light pollution usually destroys our view of the stars.' She just kept talking, how could she not realize I was angry? 'It's rare to see this many stars from here in the academy, don't you think? Maybe the skies knew we had a festival tonight.'_

Stop talking, stop making me feel this way._ I tried to drive her words away, 'Nature really does have its funny little ways, huh? Maybe—'_

'_I wasn't your last dance.' I just stood there, not paying attention to how selfish she probably thought I was._

'_What?' she looked up at me._

'_I wasn't your last dance.' I said in a louder and clearer tone._

'_Well, I wasn't yours either. I saw you dancing with Sumire.' She looked at the ground, 'You guys looked like you were having a blast… well, at least she did.'_

'_I went after you.'_

'_Are you sure? It didn't even look like you tried.'_

'_That's because you were too busy running to your dinner!' I said angrily, _control your anger, Natsume. _I tried to calm myself down, 'I saw you dance with Ruka so I accepted Sumire's offer.'_

'_Were you jealous? Or were you trying to get back at me for having my Last Dance with Ruka?'_

_I kept silent, but we both knew my answer to her questions._

_Half an hour later, I was surprised she hadn't left yet. I got off the tree and sat beside her on the grass._

_Another few minutes of awkward silence, I stared at the long ribbons holding her pigtails up and quickly caught them both in flames, careful enough not to catch her hair._

'_Huh?' She looked to her right, then to her left, 'Aah!! Natsume!!' She quickly pulled the ribbons off and threw them to the ground. She watched the fire die slowly as soon as they hit the ground; lucky for her I killed it before it ate up the whole thing._

'_What was that for?' Her long hair now falling to her back and shoulders._

'_Much better.' I whisper, looking at the sky, she's right it was beautiful._

'_What do you mean?' She stared at me long enough to make me feel awkward. I looked back at her and noticed her curls had loosened up a bit._

'_You can't be a little girl forever,' she continued looking at me with her famous confused face, 'get rid of the pigtails.'_

'_Well, you kind of finished the job for me already, don't you think?' She pointed to her burnt ribbons lying on the grass._

_We saw everybody walking back to the dorms, so we figured we missed the rest of the ceremony. 'Hey, I think Hotaru might be looking for me.' She stood up and looked at me. 'Our dance may have been real short, but it meant more to me than you think. Thank you.' She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, got up, smiled and started walking toward the crowd._

'_Hey, polka dots.' I called out just as I noticed that she'd forgotten her ribbons._

'_Yea?'_

But maybe I can have it to remind me of tonight,_ I thought. 'Nothing.'_

'_Goodnight, Natsume.' She waved and quickly ran to Imai._

_I needed to get back for another mission soon, so I stood up, put the ribbons in my pocket and headed out for duty._

* * *

I'm standing in her fairly upgraded room, capturing her scent, knowing that it'll be the last time I get to do so. I take a good last look around, and along with her key, I put the burnt ribbons down on her bedside table.

I imagine myself sticking around a while longer 'til my phone beeps. Looks like I've got another mission.

I run out, head out of the school and put on my mask that would hide my miserable face.

Now I wonder maybe I should stop doing what I do, taking orders from Persona. After all, this is probably what causes my suffering.

I promised her that I'd protect her, but I also promised that I'd be by her side all the time. How could I be so stupid to not realize that I couldn't possibly do both at once? Who's she to blame me for it? But who am I to hate her for doing so?

My head's all messed up, but I need to continue fighting for her if I'm not going to break the first promise I made her—and I don't intend on doing that. So I'm going to continue protecting her, whether she's in love with someone else or not, I don't plan on letting her down again.

Thank you, Mikan Sakura, for putting color into my life, but I've just realized that maybe it's better if it stayed black and white.

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Author's Notes: Yay! Hahah! Finally, I've published another story. :D

Hello everyone! How do you do? [:

I wrote this oneshot just so I could let you all know that I'm officially back to writing in FFN. :D

I finished this oneshot about a month ago and completely forgot about it. Then when my friend, Nikki-chan, put up her "comeback" oneshot, I totally remembered about mine. Hahah! :P So yea. :D I did a little polishing and rewrote some parts, then decided to post it after my birthday [which was on April 14], so get those late greetings coming. Hahah! :D

Aaaaand… I apologize for the poor writing and Natsume's OOC-ness; this isn't one of the stories I actually took seriously. [: I just did it for the sake of letting everyone know that I've come back after 2 years of being on hiatus. [:

[You know the part of this oneshot where Natsume's about to get up to ask Mikan to dance and suddenly she just so happened to ask him first? Well, that kind of happened to me during our prom. :D Hahah! Except I was the stupid girl who was about to ask a guy to dance after whining to my friends about how badly I wanted to dance with him, luckily he came to me first. Hahah! :D Even the part where the dance was too short. :P He just held my hand telling me to wait for the next song so we could dance more, but the next song never came, so yea. :P Just felt like sharing. Hahah! :D]

Oh, before I forget. [: This oneshot was inspired by the song _Black Keys_ by the Jonas Brothers. [:

Anywayss, I'm going to continue The Thing Called Love, and I'm going to write a new story for a different anime. What anime? That's going to be my little secret for now. ;]

So there, thank you for reading! ^^ Don't forget to get those reviews into my inbox. [:


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